Better than a tape measure

I love children.
You have to love their innocence.
You have to love their honesty.
Most of the time.
I remember when my daughter was three. I was tucking her in one night, and she told me that I needed to be "fin not fat". Her little hands demonstrated what she meant.
Wow, that hurt.
I remember swallowing the lump in my throat and trying to mask the pain in my eyes, because she didn't know she'd just cut me to the quick.
Fast forward.
My daughter is a second grader, now. How time flies! Also, that's a telling timeline of my fight to get healthy.
It's so hard to change, isn't it? But I look at my daughter, and I know that change is a must.
I have to keep diabetes under control.
I have to make sure my heart doesn't give out too soon.
I don't want to have a stroke.
My daughter is my daily motivation, these days.
Seeing her grow and change every day.
Being there every day.
And I need to be a good example for her.
I'm not saying it's not a struggle because it is!
One thing that I would say to anyone out there who is fighting to get healthy: tell people what you're doing. Let them know that you are up against an Ugly Monster, and you need them to be supportive. They will be. I'm seeing it.
Share what you're doing with your family and your extended family.
Help them learn as you learn.
I'm already seeing my daughter make healthier choices in her own daily life.
We're doing this together. But that doesn't mean deprivation. It just means making better decisions and willingness to try something new.
So how am I doing with this?
I can see big changes in little ways.
Pants are looser.
Shirts are looser.
Dresses are looser.
Shoes are bigger.
I even see a collar bone when I look in the mirror.
Overall, I feel better.
But the best measure of how I'm doing came at bedtime, last week.
I was tucking in my daughter, and she hugged me goodnight.
And when she backed up, she had a surprised smile on her face.
"Mom! I can put my arms around you!"
Whoa...
Gulp.
Now, that's a lump in my throat I can live with.

Secret Weapons

I was going through some recent vacation photos, and I made a discovery.
You know those "Before" and "After" pictures you see on weight-loss advertisements all the time?
Yeah, you know the ones.
Well? I found my "Before" picture.
The funniest part is that I was actually feeling pretty good, that day. So I let my husband snap a phone-pic of me with my awesome daughter.
Let's just say that once I saw it I considered sending it to "Trash." STAT.
But I didn't. Aren't you proud? But no, you won't see it. Yet. I'm way too ashamed to post it here. Maybe I will at some point. Stay tuned.
Anyway...
Back to business. Learning you're diabetic can be overwhelming. And last time, I said I have a couple of secret weapons that are helping me learn to adjust my life one second, one minute, one hour, and one day at a time.
Really, it's about one decision at a time.
Should I eat this? Or should I have that?
Should we go here? Or should we go there?
The tricky part is answering the questions before you dive into a bottomless bag of tortilla chips.
There's no answer key written on my arm, but I do have a cheat sheet of sorts.
That's it right up there on the blog: Foods to Avoid. I know it's hard to see, but you get the idea.
I love my doctor. She gave me this sheet, and she took the time to make some little notes on it. I carry it with me everywhere. It has the wrinkles to prove it.
Some of the highlights: Watch starches. Eat only 1-2 servings per day.
Never eat white bread, white rice, white potatoes, white pasta.
(Are you noticing a trend here?)
Oh! And chips are the devil.
Okay, it doesn't say that, but it does say avoid them. Avoid cereal, too.
When you do have those items instead you should choose -- you guessed it -- whole grain bread, whole grain oatmeal, brown rice, sweet potatoes and whole wheat pasta.
(Confession: I can do all of these, but I struggle with the whole wheat pasta thing. Can someone make one that tastes better? Still working on learning to like it.)
The other big "Ah-Ha!" here is to avoid ALL fruit juices. They seem innocent enough, but they get you with the sugar. This was really good to learn, especially where my daughter is concerned. As a parent, you think fruit juice is good for your kids. Sneaky!
Stay away from the tropical fruits. Those include bananas, papaya, mango, pineapple and all the melons. They have high glycemic indexes.
Instead, choose an apple or a pear.
Guess that phrase "An apple a day..." wasn't so far off the mark, huh?
Avoid foods with high fructose corn syrup.
Let me tell you... read labels, if you don't already. You'd be shocked by what you see. You may think you're sending a healthy snack in your child's lunchbox, but an innocent looking package of apple sauce may be loaded with corn syrup. I was amazed -- and appalled -- when I started looking.
And I didn't forget the protein department. My cheat sheet says limit meat (red meat) to once a week, and the serving should be the size of a deck of cards. Have fish twice a week - especially the ones packed with Omega-3's like salmon. Chicken or turkey should be eaten twice a week. And consider meatless dishes that include protein from beans, avocado, peanut butter or quinoa.
My cheat sheet is getting a little worn, but it's my mini-food bible. I'm not always faithful, I admit. But it does help keep me on the straight and narrow.
The other thing I did was join Weight Watchers. Their app is fantastic. I'm seldom on the website on my computer, but I have the WW app with me everywhere I go. The new Points Plus system lets me eat all the fruits and veggies I want. (I do try to keep track of the carb-rich ones.) The main thing it does is make me stop and think about what I'm eating. It helps me "cap" how much I eat. It also helps me make food decisions ahead of time - especially if I know I'm going to be eating out. And I get to reward myself every once in a while by adding back points if I do any activity. I gotta say, I love it. It's easy, and it's not expensive.
It's just nifty, as my grandmother says. I only wish they had a diabetic version. Maybe they do, and I just haven't seen it. Let me know if they do.
Probably my best secret weapon is actually a person. She's a super-human Super Woman who's studied and cared about healthy lifestyles for years. I won't give her name, but she knows who she is. Whether it was family or friends or even complete strangers, she's taken the time to care and coach and even nag a little, if that's what it takes to help them. She's smart and leads by example. I have always rebelled. But she never gave up on me.
In the days following my diagnosis, she helped me make sense of the turmoil I was feeling. She explained the whole insulin thing in a way I could understand. She gave me some little tips, simple tips, to get through my next meal. She's someone I can turn to and count on, and I appreciate her so much.
Sigh.
Ok. Enough sappy stuff. The real reason I love this Super Woman is because she introduced me to Greek yogurt. (Cue the singing angels.)
I freaking LOVE that stuff! Only 3 points! High in protein! AND... it tastes good.
Sigh.
So here I am -- a few weeks since my diagnosis.
And it's been a couple of months since that dreaded "Before" picture was taken.
It's been hard.
I hate that picture of me.
But I'm trying.
And every day, it is truly starting to look a little more like a "Before" picture should.
I'm making headway on my path to "After."
Look out "After"... I'm coming for you.

Great. Now what?

You know, I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent woman.
I mean, I'm college educated.
(Okay I know it was in Louisiana... but still!)
I made good grades in school... mostly.
My mom taught me vegetables are good for me.
(And to this day, I still eat broccoli thank you very much!)
But apparently, I'm really food stupid. And this diabetes thing has got me all whack.
What little I did know about diabetes was this:
Sugar = Bad.
I mean, I really didn't realize how ignorant I am about diabetes until I was diagnosed.
Thank God for the Internet.
When I googled "diabetes" on my phone, Wikipedia said:

"Diabetes mellitus, often simply referred to as diabetes, is a group of metabolic diseases in which a person has high blood sugar, either because the body does not produce enough insulin, or because cells do not respond to the insulin that is produced."

Ok. I get that. But what the hell is insulin, and why am I not making it right?
Reading on...

"Type 2 diabetes: results from insulin resistance, a condition in which cells fail to use insulin properly, sometimes combined with an absolute insulin deficiency."

Ok. Gee thanks. Please refer to my last question.
Reading some more...

"Both type 1 and 2 are chronic conditions that usually cannot be cured."

Yay, me.
And if that weren't good news enough...

" Diabetes without proper treatments can cause many complications. Acute complications include hypoglycemia, diabetic ketoacidosis, or nonketotic hyperosmolar coma. Serious long-term complications include cardiovascular disease, chronic renal failure, retinal damage."

Thank you, Wikipedia... on my phone... in the teeny-weeny print.
And even though the Wiki offered some good information, it did not compute.
I still felt lost, thoroughly depressed, almost paralyzed and a lot scared.
Thoughts raced through my head:

Will I have to prick my finger all the time?
Am I going to have to take medicine?
Will I have to give myself shots?
What do I eat?

Fortunately for me, it's still early enough that I don't have to do the first three things. No meds, for now. No pricking or sticking. Yet. I know not everyone is so lucky. (Doing the happy dance.)
But what do I eat? I mean, obviously, I've been doing it wrong for... well... just my whole entire adult life.
Still... I have to eat, right?
And I have to eat... right.
Next time, I'll tell you about my secret weapons: one cheat sheet and one super human.
Without them, I'd be lost on this journey.
With them, I'm making real progress.
I dropped a dress size in three weeks.

Diagnosis... Diabetes

The call from the doctor's office was like listening to someone rattle off a grocery list.
But instead of hearing the words "bread, water, toothpaste..."
The nurse was going through the results of a recent, giant blood test.
Something about cholesterol.
Something about triglycerides.
"And you're diabetic, now..."
Her voice continued on going down the list. Seemed never to miss a beat.
Something about Vitamin D deficiency.
Suddenly, it felt like I had cupped my hands over my ears.
The voice on the other end of the line was trailing away, still talking, but all I heard were muffled sounds. White noise. Like listening to the inside of a Conch shell.
Whooshing.
That word hit me.
Diabetic.
I'm diabetic, now.
I just kept repeating that over and over in my mind.
I'm diabetic, now.
Whooooossssh.
I tried to come back to the voice. Swim through the whooshing. Back to the surface.
A lump formed in my throat.
My eyes stung with tears.
I felt ashamed.
Scared.
Mad.
Confused.
Mad.
Stunned.
Mad.
Ashamed.
Mad.
Alone.
Mad.
Blindsided.
Mad.
Paralyzed.
Sad.
I was on an emotional roller coaster.
I don't even remember hanging up the phone.
Nothing was computing except that I now had a label.
Hello, my name is Katharyn.
And I'm a diabetic.